Home stager Simone raises important questions in this story about what happened when she visited a real estate agent open house and got into a real conflict. See what you’d recommend for this home staging business dilemma:
“I’m a home stager (not a real estate agent) and I went to an agent open house hoping to make a new contact for future business. The hosting agent was very interested in listening to me talk about how I can help him sell his listings faster through home staging. We were getting along great.
Then I asked when the real estate listing was up because I was wondering how much time we had to work with knowing the house was on the market for some time already. As soon as I asked, he lost it. He yelled at me and told me to get the hell out of the house and never come back.
I was completely blown away (and to be honest, very scared) and asked why. He wouldn’t answer me but just kept yelling and getting very mad about how I should NEVER have asked him that question. I finally clued in to the fact that he thought I was asking so that when the listing was up, I would take the listing for some other agent that I knew, but before I even got a chance to explain myself, he told me one final time to leave.
When I drove away, I broke down and was so upset that someone could be so mean and speak to me in that way.
The situation is, my husband IS a Realtor®. However, when he does sell real estate, it’s mainly been commercial properties. He has done some residential in the past, but has a full time job working for a company not related to real estate.
I have a concern with real estate agents thinking that when they hear my name, that I’m just waiting for the listing to be up so my husband can go in a scoop it up. It is definitely not the case. I have my own “code of ethics” whereby if I am dealing with an agent in any capacity, my husband will never come in to the situation – present or future. The only way my husband would ever be involved would be if the homeowner phoned me looking for home staging AND a Realtor to sell their home. Otherwise, we keep our businesses completely separate. Any suggestions on:
How to deal with an agent that is completely way out of line in the way they speak to you?
How to assure agents that my husband and I are not a couple looking to steal other agents’ clients?”
Thank you Simone for sharing this story! You raise two important business challenges here. Before I weigh in with my thoughts, observations and recommendations next week, I’d love for my readers to share their opinions on this conflict.
We all come at business problems from different angles and experiences. I know that the home stagers reading this will provide valuable insights! Everyone, please share your comments below!
Simone, Try and get some distance from this horrible experience and know that this is about him and his ‘stuff’ and not about you. He’s obviously having a tough time and reacted accordingly. Even though you might not want to work together in the future an e-mail to him saying that you’ve been thinking about what happened and you can understand why he reacted the way he did but that sincerely was not your intention should help clear the air.
To your second point, through no fault of your own it’s a grey area. Either you are up front and v. clear about boundaries or you and your husband just go with it and become an amazing team. There is a team in Brisbane of Agent and stager who work brilliantly together see http://bit.ly/gmMFqU for their listed houses. I wish you well.
Wow, Simone I’m sorry you had to go through that experience. However, looking at it for the lessons we can take from it can make it bearable. Some of them I see are:
*we learn by example how NOT to treat people with verbal abuse; I don’t think there was anything you could have said while the agent was yelling at you to calm him down. They are not in listening mode. Walking away was your best option. If you felt you needed to explain your intentions I would suggest a simple email to him starting with “I don’t believe I deserved the treatment you unleased on me today…. my reason for asking….” once you send it, don’t expect a response back.
*we learn to ask questions differently, possibly saying something like, “I have some time this week I could work with you and your client to help this home have more appeal to a broader market;
*in your advertising you might consider simply saying that you are an independant Home Stager and would welcome the opportunity to work with all real estate agents and their clients and that you are not exclusive to any agency.
Let’s hope nobody has to go through that, ever!
Oh boy, what to say to that?! Simone, like you, I approached an agent at an open house and also like you, however, unlike you, I did not have to put up with belligerence! You are in a unique situation of having your hubby in the real estate business; on one hand, this could be very advantageous to you (both of you) yet, for obvious reasons already stated, not so much. As far as this particular agent is concerned, it would be well worth your time (and courage) to approach him in a “controlled” environment (ie., his office) and say something like “If you have a moment, I would like to clear up our misunderstanding of the other day. I should have been clearer as to what I was proposing to you…” (in this way, you are not offending HIM by saying “he misunderstood”-you’re accepting some of the responsibility even though it was not your fault) The reason I would recommend this is because of the agent’s connections to other agents and you don’t want “bad-press”! As for approaching agents in the future, it’s going to be difficult because of this situation, but don’t forget, agents are not your primary “target”! As for your hubbies affiliation with real estate; unless someone asks specifically, you don’t HAVE to bring it up; as you mentioned, you run your businesses separately. I would be nervous about approaching this agent (and other agents as well after that episode!) but if you want something bad enough, you have to pluck up the courage and get back in the saddle! We’ll all be rooting for you! Good luck!
Imogen, Cheryl, Jackie:
You have all made excellent observations and suggestions for “Simone”! Thank you for jumping in and sharing your wisdom. I know she and others will appreciate it!
Anyone else want to weigh in with your ideas?
The very first agent I dealt with who was hired AFTER I was hired by the homeowners, BTW, also yelled at me over the phone later and really upset me; I was actually shocked — she’s (unfortunately) THE top agent in our area and I had heard some bad things about her tough and over-bearing personality. She was angry with me that when the sellers asked my opinion on two things she suggested they do that involved buying new furniture and turning a DR into a family room, I disagreed. The sellers kept telling me they were moving in with in-laws to save $$ and did not want to spend money if they didn’t have to. I felt the agent’s recommendations were not necessary and would cost them too much. Boy, did I get an earful a week later when I called her to see how the showings were going! I spent two hours writing her an “apology” letter (although I didn’t feel I was wrong) and offered her a free staging to make up for our “miscommunication” issue. Of course, I’ve never heard back from her and never expect to.
I pointed out that the staging was well underway before she was hired, and that I was trying to respect my client’s wish to not spend money. When she told me I “clearly did not understand the problems of a Greenway Colonial,” I told her I happen to live in one; that shut her up! In hindsight, I wish I had just told the owners to go with her suggestions, but I’m still afraid of any bad press she has given me from that incident (another of her sellers contacted me for info, but never hired me, and I always worry if it’s because she said something to them about me.)
I am a seasoned Realtor of 17 years and although I would not have yelled or been hostile to you, I definitely would be having a firm conversation with you about what you did. Although you were trying to do your job well and do what you felt was the best thing for the client, you simultaneously undermined the agent’s credibility and also bruised his/her ego in doing so. You may have been 100% correct, but to embarrass the agent doesn’t do YOU OR YOUR BUSINESS any favors. You can avoid this happening again by doing the “praise sandwich” approach, which is to first compliment the agent (on something true and relevant to the sale) THEN make your suggestions, and end with another true and complimentary statement about the agent, thus making a “praise sandwich.” It sounds like this: “You know, Mary (the agent) makes a great point. This would be an excellent family room. The proximity to the kitchen is great when you are entertaining and also for keeping an eye on the kids while cooking. It would be absolutely fabulous but would probably cost $xxxx, and I know you said you were on a tighter budget. If I may, I would like to suggest an alternative which would be (Insert your ideas here). Again, Mary’s got a great idea as well, but I wanted to give you a less expensive alternative to consider. And she will do an amazing job selling your home no matter which option you choose.” See how that has a partnership vibe to it rather than an adversarial tone?
Susan, I like where you’re going with this IF they were all in the room at the same time. It sounds like in Amy’s case they weren’t. Even if she had done it exactly as you suggested (and she very well may have), I think since she wasn’t present the agent would have only taken away that Amy had disagreed with her.
I do appreciate you taking the time to share your insights from a realtor’s point of view. Thanks for commenting.
I don’t care what Simone said, No one has the right to treat another person the way that agent did! Completely and utterly unprofessional! He needs to be held accountable for his action. He represents a real estate office\company and is giving their brand a bad name. I too would leave the open house, but I think I would compose myself and promptly call his broker to request a sit down for the 3 of us together. If my request was granted, I would show up for the meeting as a pillar of professionalism. An articulate business woman who can handle herself with class and poise. After the 3 of us calmly clear the air and settle the confusion, I would expect the agent to apologize for his behavior. If he did, I would then look him in the eye, smile, and graciously accept his apology. I would genuinely apologize for my part in the confusion and insist we start things all over again with a clean slate. “The past is the past, so let’s leave it there.” Lastly, I would leave the meeting on a lighter note. Shaking hands, sharing a chuckle and smile, then head to the door with my head held high.
Simone, I am sorry that this happened to you but I am sure that there was a lesson to be learned and shared with everyone and to tread carefully with realtors. I was a realtor for 20+ years and realtors can be somewhat arrogant and cocky, however, I would not be concerned at all. Most realtors are very independant (especially the successful ones – it is the old 80/20 rule) and I cannot imagine this realtor causing you any trouble by telling other agents or people. What would he say, “I lost it on some poor little stager that came to my open house and I yelled at her and kicked her out”. ????
Any other professional realtor would think that he was the idiot to loose it like that as it reflects very badly on realtors as a whole in a very bad light – he looks very unprofessional. I cannot personally imagine losing it on someone at an Open House and believe me, we saw out fair share of idiots come through the doors. As realtor, you must keep yourself together in public even though you have had a bad day.
However, you never know what happened before you came in, maybe he had been open 2 hours and only had tire kickers, maybe people had been saying rude things about the house being overpriced, dirty, giving their uninvited opinions about the house, etc. and here he is close to the expiry date and perhaps losing the listing?????? and after he has invested time and money into it. It could be many things and perhaps you just caught him the wrong way and were the last thing he needed to lose it and have a meltdown.
I would email him and apologize to him and let him know that it was not your intention to cause any trouble – you were just out there doing your job like he was and again are sorry to have upset him and leave it at that and do not expect a reply.
So sorry Simone – one can meet rude people anywhere at anytime but it becomes much more personal when it is related to your business in a threatening manner.
I am diverging from the other advise, albeit, valid. This individual is not worth your anxiety or consideration of the possibility of affecting your business. By doing this – you have given this individual more value than they deserve because this person was not only rude but extremely unprofessional, confrontational and paranoid. Move on and carry on with your business and marketing plans.
If this was not the norm for this individual, they should have apologized on their own accord. If this is the norm, this is not business you want. If this is the norm and others value his opinion, again, this is not business you want.
A confrontation of this nature would affect just about anybody with respect to the fear and is an unfortunate impact on you that you have to deal with. Keep any correpondence you have had or may have in the future with this person in case just in case.
Best of luck and continued success
I just love my readers! You have such great insights and I’m proud of the supportive environment we’ve created here together!
Amy, Mary, Leah, Lucia: You all have a great take on this situation. Thanks for sharing your advice with Simone.
Anyone else want to give it a go? I’ll be posting my own thoughts next week.
So sorry, Simone! I feel your pain! I too am married to a realtor and I do not try to hide it because I believe it makes me a better stager. As a spouse of a realtor, I understand the challanges, difficulties and pain they go through. It also really helps me understand the industry as a whole and how to better serve agents. My realtor clents trust me and my business is completely seperate from my husbands.
My advice is to just take this as a wonderful lesson on how to #1 not take it personally #2 don’t get down on his level but respond humbly and kindly #3 forgive and let it go. I don’t think it would hurt to send a very brief e-mail letting him know your intentions just to make sure he can’t justify spreading false infomation. I liked Jackies suggestion on how to say it but wouldn’t take the time to go to his office. You may be just setting yourself up for more abuse.
I am a REALTOR and I agree that his overreaction was unfortunate. I would move past that as soon as I could (you need a little time to get over the slapped in the face feeling, I am sure). In future, I would be very transparent about my husband being in real estate sales and point out that he specializes in commercial sales and that you feel it is in your best interests to offer your service to residential REALTORS at large. I find that most real estate salespeople are wonderful people who would really love to work with an excellent stager.
Catharine, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this as a REALTOR! Very much appreciated.
Even though there are quite a few comments, I just felt the need to jump in and give my 2 cents! I think we need to realize that there are all types who become realtors, just like there are all types who become stagers…or nurses…or fitness instructors…etc, etc.
Some are very good and quite professional, and some are not. I belong to a large realtor group in Denver (SMDRA) and all 8 of us home stagers know very well who are the unpleasant realtors to deal with and who are the great ones. Just like anywhere, you get a reputation.
I’d just make sure that you deal as professionally as possible with everyone and hold your head up. To quote some famous person (I don’t remember), “Don’t let the jerks get you down!” Just get on with your business and be a success!
Debbie Fiskum, Perfect Transformations Home Staging in Denver
Debbie, a good reminder to all!
Hi Simone,
Unfortunatly, competition mode can get nasty. The real estate agent made an assumption about you. I am really sorry for that. At the same time, I thank you for posting the incident here, giving others the opportunity to think about possible problems we can get into..
Using your experience, I would start communicating to other real estate agents about your husband’s business (what about posting in your website an observation on this issue?), and, yes, I would try to talk to this agent, even using an intermediary. I don’t know if sending him a note, clarifying the situation, would be helpful. I would insist on doing so, only because he seems to be vindictive.
Let us know about this case! I hope you can create a happy ending!
Hi Simone,
It is unfortunate that you had to experience such abuse. I can see how the agent may have been on guard given the fact that your husband is an agent, but that gives him no right to treat you the way he did. What was he afraid of? Was his job as an agent in question to the homeowners? Was he not confident enough to assure himself that even when the real estate listing was up, his clients would see that he did the best he could to present and advertise the house and therefore continue using him as their realtor? I could go on and on about all the questions I would be asking myself about this particular realtor… I guess what I am trying to say is that this was not in any way your fault. I myself have had a few stories regarding real estate agent not so pleasant or open to the idea of staging their client’s properties, just as I’ve had agents who loved the idea of what a stager could contribute to their listing. You will find unprofessional people in every field. Best of luck, and DO NOT let this hold you back in any way.
Hi Dayana, thanks for lending your support to Simone. This is one of the reasons I LOVE the Staging Diva community! If you’d like my take on this real estate agent, check this out:
https://stagingdiva.com/homestagingbusiness/home-staging-business-solution-to-a-real-estate-agent-challenge/
Hi Simone,
I believe all the comments to you are great and you can wrap yourself in the comforting words. I have an extra thought as a professional sales person and trainer for 30 years previously.
I believe this episode has given you a wonderful opportunity to polish your ‘word tracks’ or the way you phrase questions and responses.
I believe you need to address your husband’s commercial focus right up front, before anything else, and reassured Realtors of your integrity. Otherwise it’s the elephant in the room for you and you’ll never relax.
Another bonus is that you are then not wasting your time in selling him or the client if he’s not going to be reassured whatever you do.
Always address possible concerns upfront in a confident and positive way – then there’s no confusion or concerns lurking to trip you up.
Your husband as a ‘possible’ competitor, in their minds, would always be a concern to your Realtors unless addressed well.
If he was then open to you working together then you could phrase the question, ‘Because I need a timeframe to know how to work best with this client, how much time do we have together on this sale?’. it is much more likely to bring a less fearful response from him. Giving him the reason for your question, in the question, could have brought a different response. You notice I said ‘could’! You will never win all the people all the time….but this process will give you a higher percentage – and make you feel much better about all the future interactions – truly!
This episode will make you stonger – if you take from it the great opportunity it has given you! Kindest regards, Lorraine (Australia)
Lorraine, that’s great advice for Simone. Thanks for sharing your point of view!